The Mallu Lampoon

Stockholm: A team of slueths belonging to the Delhi Police have cracked the rape case Julian Assange was accused of being involved in. In fact, the actual perpetrator has been identified as Mukesh Sharma, a cab driver of Indian origin. Although the slueths refrained from giving details, sources informed us that Sharma had been a serial rape offender and that he was part of a larger conspiracy to implicate Assange. This vindicates Julian Assange and lends weight to the rumors regarding the involvement of foreign governments in his arrest.

The Delhi Police team, lead by SP Rajkumar Purohit, had landed last night and apprehended the real culprit in a matter of a few hours. Sharma,who originally  hails from Delhi, had moved to Sweden about a decade back. On being questioned on how the Delhi Police were able to crack the case, SP Rajkumar Purohit said, "When I read about the Assange case in the papers, the first thing I did was to check if any men from Delhi were in Stockholm at that time. In fact this is a standard operating procedure followed by police in India. Whenever some woman gets raped, we first check if any man from Delhi had been in the vicinity at the same time. Call it racial profiling if you will, but it works."

According to reports, Sharma was found to be involved in several rape cases, both in Sweden as well as in India. In fact, the Swedish police have charged him in no less than 17 rape cases. In his defence, Sharma said," It has been 10 years since I left Delhi. I miss the city's culture. I was feeling very homesick, which is why I did it. It somehow made me feel like I was back home again."

'Quick Gun Murugan' , based on the tale of a South Indian Cowboy, reaffirms the fact that we Indians are fascinated and obsessed with stereotypes. Be it the ubiquitous mallu(esp in gelf) wid the funny engleesh axe-scent or the equally ubiquitous surd(esp in canada) who is the butt of all our lame jokes, stereotypes provide us with an endless source of amusement and entertainment. Alas, most of the dumb and racist natives are too prejudiced to realize that stereotypes are merely a convenient albeit inaccurate oversimplification of reality.

For example, take the stereotype of the funny engleesh axe-scent mallu. There are a lot of mallus who speak fluent english, with impeccable accents; like Shashi Tharoor, Arundhati Roy,Nirupama Rao, Govind Paliath to name a few. Or take the general stereotype of a South Indian. A lot of North Indians(country fellows) believe that the whole of south India is one single eshtate populated by funny engleesh shpeaking, wierd mannerishms making(a la Rajini ishtyle) 'Madrasis'. Apart from refelcting poorly on their knowledge of geography, such stereotypes also serve as an indicator of how racist and bigoted we are. It's not like all Sardars are dumb, nor are Sindhis dressed up for diwali every single day of the year. And all bongs don't speak like Pornob Mukerji. Nor are all goltis either Naxals or IT professionals.Moving on,consider the stereotype of the Tambrams(Tamil Brahmins), the studious padips's(redundant adjective?), who spend their entire childhood nerding to clear the JEE/get state rank(preferably both!). But not all Tambrams are like that. For example . . . .um . . . lemme see . . .Tambrams who aren't studious . . .there's gotta be someone . . . .Spectrum Raja? Abhachaaram! . . .Hmmm . . . I give up!Maybe some stereotypes aren't inaccurate after all!

Life comes full circle they say, and as far as stereotyes are concerned the saying holds true!Marathis make fun of Biharis (Biharis don't make fun of others, they wonly make the bhojpuri fillims),while this parsi makes fun of the Marathis, and also just about everyone else . North Indians in general make fun of 'madrasis', and in namma chennai the 'Seth pasanga' are kalaichified(Maranai Kalai/Total Damage).The illiterate and ignorant natives(country fellows) make fun of the mallus. The Mallus make fun of the tamilians, the tamilians make fun of the Golti peopleoo. Golti peopleoo make fun of the OZ's and subsequently get beaten up. The surds make fun of the OZ's while the rest of the nation makes fun of the surds!And to top it all we have the audacity to call others racists! What to do?As a brown skinned native once said 'We are like this wonly'!!