The Mallu Lampoon

The UPA government is considering a radical new approach to the problem of creating an inclusive society. After the disheartening and abysmal failure of all their development plans and the alarming rise in economical inequities in a rapidly developing nation, the government has come up with a novel innovative solution; reducing inequity by making poverty inclusive! Although there is uncertainty regarding the circumstances under which such an extreme measure was adopted, reports indicate that the publication of the UN poverty index ,which states that 8 Indian states are less developed than the whole of sub Saharan Africa put together, was one of the main catalysts. A senior minister in the UPA was quoted as saying,” This is indeed a historic decision. However in order to implement it, it’s imperative that the UPA remains in power. Only the UPA has the requisite capabilities to ensure poverty is made inclusive!"Another senior UPA minister added,” It is indeed a daunting task. We might have to make some drastic changes in the cabinet. Sharad Pawar should be made PM, as his deft handling of the Agriculture ministry has proved that he is indeed the best man to help India achieve inclusive poverty. A.Raja would probably join him as finance minister, as he has an intuitive grasp of the economics of deprivation. We must also give greater power and responsibilities to gifted politicians like Mayawati, Mamta Banerjee and Raj Thackeray, who seem to be doing their bit already.” Some of the other changes that will be implemented will be 100% reservation in all government/aided institutions(including IIT’s/IIM’s) and also 75% reservation in the private sector. Other changes include enlisting the help of Maoists to help dismantle out limited infrastructure and the outsourcing of our entire IT industry back to the West, where people are desperate for jobs. However the opposition parties have cried foul, saying they can do a much better job of making poverty inclusive than the present UPA government. The naxals too are against the move as once all Indians become poor they will have no one to fight with! The business community was too shocked and we were unable to get their view on this matter. However the government is confident that they can arrive at a consensus as this is an issue close to the heart of several politicians and industrialists alike.