The Mallu Lampoon

Stockholm: A team of slueths belonging to the Delhi Police have cracked the rape case Julian Assange was accused of being involved in. In fact, the actual perpetrator has been identified as Mukesh Sharma, a cab driver of Indian origin. Although the slueths refrained from giving details, sources informed us that Sharma had been a serial rape offender and that he was part of a larger conspiracy to implicate Assange. This vindicates Julian Assange and lends weight to the rumors regarding the involvement of foreign governments in his arrest.

The Delhi Police team, lead by SP Rajkumar Purohit, had landed last night and apprehended the real culprit in a matter of a few hours. Sharma,who originally  hails from Delhi, had moved to Sweden about a decade back. On being questioned on how the Delhi Police were able to crack the case, SP Rajkumar Purohit said, "When I read about the Assange case in the papers, the first thing I did was to check if any men from Delhi were in Stockholm at that time. In fact this is a standard operating procedure followed by police in India. Whenever some woman gets raped, we first check if any man from Delhi had been in the vicinity at the same time. Call it racial profiling if you will, but it works."

According to reports, Sharma was found to be involved in several rape cases, both in Sweden as well as in India. In fact, the Swedish police have charged him in no less than 17 rape cases. In his defence, Sharma said," It has been 10 years since I left Delhi. I miss the city's culture. I was feeling very homesick, which is why I did it. It somehow made me feel like I was back home again."