The Mallu Lampoon

LUCKNOW: For the first time in almost two decades, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati's cake will not be visible from space. Reports suggest she wants to maintain a low profile and not fall foul of the Election Commission given that the model code of conduct is in place and assembly elections are only a few weeks away. This follows on the heels of the Election Commissions's directive to cover up all the statues(numbering over 1.7 million at last count) of Mayawati and those of the elephant, the BSP's election symbol. The birthday celebrations this year will be tempered down and it will be a far cry from yesteryear's ostentatious display of opulence.

Mayawati's birthday celebrations usually involved a colossal 37 tiered cake, large enough to be visible from space. According to Vladislav Alexandrov, a Russian cosmonaut who caught a glimpse of the cake when he was aboard the International Space Station, it was a " grotesque shade of pink and loosely resembled the shape of an Absolut bottle. But then, just about everything loosely resembles an Absolut bottle from up there. Call it Absolut Maya. Haha." Also missing will be the enormous garlands of currency notes(last year the value of one of them exceeded the GDP of Samoa). However one insider confided that Mayawati will not discontinue the tradition of sending a private jet to London to collect a pair of new sandals for her birthday.

As always, there was a sizable number of people(all of them, coincidentally, belonged to her party) who justified her lavish celebrations. They felt that the EC and the media were being partisan. One enraged party worker even went to the extent of describing them as 'upper caste schmucks'. The general consensus was that the decision to tone down the celebrations was uncalled for and unfortunate. Dalit leader Stalin Washington succinctly summed up the situation, "Earlier there was a notion that corruption was the prerogative of the upper castes. Behenji has turned that on its head. We relish her ostentatious displays of wealth as that allows us to take hope and pride in the fact that even dalits can aspire to be corrupt. Corruption is now truly inclusive."