Dregs of the Earth

The shocking disclosure last week of our weight lifters having failed doping tests, has caused our nation a great deal of embarrassment. Indian weightlifting has been scarred by the bane of doping for quite sometime, and the present situation isn't really a surprise for those who have been following the sport in India for awhile. However, what is really shocking and surprising is the fact that in spite of being on steroids, most Indian weight lifters still performed miserably in international events!!!

These recent events have cast a shadow of doubt on other sports persons as well. In order to put to rest any doubts regarding doping in India's only sport(for most of the country fellows it is), the Lampoon interviewed Shantakumaran Sreeshanth(SS), one of India's best fast bowlers, and a mallu to boot!(Unfortunately!)

ML:Let's get straight to the point. Are you aware of any cricketers using performance enhancing drugs?

SS:*Putting on fake accent*. No maan! I am note much aware of these things. But even if I were aware I can't tell to in frond of the camera. I will get slapped again!*Gives a maniacal laugh*

ML:Ok fine. Have you ever used performance enhancing drugs?

SS:*Gives maniacal laugh*. Never maan!I don't use dregs to enhance my performance. Otherwise I might have still been in the team!

ML:You have a point there! So you've never taken drugs, um, dregs ever?

SS:Oh!I've taken dregs on a few occasions,but that wasn't to enhance performance or anything. Those dregs just made me do crazy stuff like this!

ML:You've just admitted to taking drugs! They say there is a fine line between honesty and stupidity, but I believe you're on the wrong side of it!

SS:Alla da! I know nobody reads this stupid blog, so I can say whatever I want and get away with it!!Hahaha!!
*Starts doing a little jig, with his characteristic pelvic thrust, accompanied by those weird despicable facial expressions!*

SS:How do you like my new dance moves? I've specially choreographed it to signal my return to international cricket!
*Continues with the tribal jig*

ML:Dude control!People are watching!Sheesh!
*Looks around frantically for a shotgun, but in vain*

And we left him there, oblivious to the world, a crazy mallu doing a crazier jig.

11 Comments Add Yours ↓

  1. Don'd be like this! We r awll malayalees... so what is korangan takes dregs... having elaneer all the time can get a little boring i say. ;)

  2. Anonymous #

    Fine last line. And Dr. Lampoon might soon become Prof. Lampoon. Enjoyed Govind!

    PS: Where did you disappear for a while? Eks-aam prep eh??? ;) :D

  3. Anonymous #

    Aye, You are mis-utilising your study
    When the highness herself can slog studying , the lampoon can try:P:P
    P.S: This comment is just the trailer. Haven't read your post yet:P LL read and comment tomorw. Now off to utufy Namitha Rockets:P

    -Archana Sivassubramanian:)

  4. @Ajai:Haha!True.Perhaps you should try mixing some toddy with the elaneer.:P

  5. @Srini:Thanks!Professor Lampoon?
    Lol. Rite! Semma exam preparation :P

    @Arc:Ire padips!:p
    Not that I haven't tried,it's jus too borin :|
    And yeah, Happy diwali! Try not to blow urself up!:D

  6. No comments....
    ...Happy Diwali...

  7. Anonymous #

    Sreesanth is this hybrid between man and monkey. Jokes aside, There is lot one can pinpoint with due relevance to the condition of sports in India. Hockey is our national game and shame! (Yes, it rhymes!) The situation is critical. proper assortment of funds and the need to build proper launch pads to harness the plethora of talents is a distant call. Worse, the lesser said, the better.

  8. Anonymous #

    Yeah, "doc"-kapram "prof" dhaane!!!??? Academic title hierarchy y'see! :p.

    Thus goes the logic, Professor! :D

  9. @Srini:Spoken like a true academic! But in most engg colleges even profs are not docs!:P

  10. Anonymous #

    the scenario in some of the arts and sceince colleges is the same too Govind! Gives them some illusion of a "gethu" feeling I suppose! :P

  11. blah blah blah

    i ve had enough of SS. felt as if i read a very old joke.