Kerala, that picturesque, enchanting sliver of land located at the southern tip of our nation , not only has the highest literacy rate  in the country but also the highest per capita consumption of alcohol.This fortuitous combination has resulted in some delightfully creative 'brand' names for illicit liquor manufactured there, like Manavatti(bride),which claims to make one demure, quiet and reserved akin to a bride on her wedding day or Anamayakki, which shares it's namesake with the medicine used to calm down elephants in musth.In order to uphold our glorious heritage and tradition, TML plans to make a foray into the hooch liquor sector with the following brands in the pipeline:

Mahamaya(Great Maya/Grand illusion): This gives you a sense of absolute power and control, along with the hubris, hypocrisy and avarice that accompanies it. You will be overwhelmed by delusions of grandeur; of how your're the defender of the poor,the up lifter of the downtrodden and the conscience keeper of your generation. It will degenerate your self to a state of capriciousness and narcissism where you will start indulging in your every whim and fancy. Like sending your private jet to london to fetch a pair of shoes, perhaps?

Shree inda Shanthi(The placidity of Shree): This is an extreme version of Anamayakki. It can transform a petulant, presumptuous, pompous prick to a serene and impassive person with a zen-like countenance; a wacky cross between Yogi Berra and Sathya Sai Baba who can spout such wisdom as "Silence is the speech of the spiritual seeker" when asked a provocative question.

Digvijayam(Victory in all directions): This will reduce you to a ranting and raving lunatic.You will try to pass your asinine and ludicrous ramblings off as clever witticisms and fail spectacularly. You will labor under the illusion of being a scheming genius, despite being a blithering idiot. It will make you the undisputed master of getting caught with your foot in your mouth without you even realizing it!

Pawar Cut: This is a truly diabolic drink. It is like the Schrodinger's cat of hooch. It is illicit and yet somehow it isn't. Any attempt to find out by drinking it will cause it to fall into either of the two states, thereby making all results inconclusive. It is full bodied, rich and twisted. And despite the Rs.12 tag on the bottle, it costs quite a fortune!

Prometric(Fail): This is, without doubt, the most lethal of the lot. It's defining characteristic is it's randomness; not everyone who consumes it will get a high. The few fortunate ones who do tend to become haughty,indolent, posturing snobs;in short ideal manager material. The ones who miss out are heartbroken  but are so addicted that they procure it over and over again until they get the high they desire.

5 Comments Add Yours ↓

  1. Anonymous #

    Fine comeback. :D

    yengendhu ippudi yellaam? :)

    Prose and humour in top notch combine, as always. Cheers... is it Prof. Lampoon now? ;)!

  2. xtremely funny...!rofl

  3. @Srini: Thanks!:) Haha. Not yet. More like a TA :|


  4. I believe I must seek solace in the comfort I would get after "drowning" in all of this! ;-)

  5. Anonymous #

    this was IMBA.. too good da :)