The Flying (Disgr)Ace

A 'flying ace' is a pilot who has gunned down several enemy aircraft(usually more than five). There have been several famous 'aces', the most famous amongst them probably being Manfred Von Richtofen, aka the 'Red Baron'. However, the past few years have borne witness to the emergence of the greatest 'flying ace', in the broadest interpretation of the definition, EVER. An elusive species that goes by the rather innocuous title of "Indian Neta".

 The "Indian Neta" has been responsible for taking down hundreds of planes; without even getting off the ground!! Of course, all the planes, and a few helicopters, did belong to the Netas' motherland, but for all practical purposes we can assume the motherland to be the Netas' enemy(although there are several incidents that can convincingly establish the validity of the above assumption, their study is beyond the scope of this article). Another unique distinction is that they did not use conventional anti aircraft guns/missiles to bring these planes down. Instead, they used a lethal and potent mixture of corruption, nepotism, lobbying, avarice, apathy, vested interests and remarkable short sightedness. Ironically, it's been dubbed as the Indian version of the "Patriot" system!

   It could be argued that the Netas did not act alone; they had the support and collusion of bureaucrats, businessmen, lobbyists and the public at large. The first three categories are self explanatory. The fourth category is also culpable owing to their(self included) general silence on the issue and their failure to bring about any substantial change in the system of governance. However, just as the pilot must get the maximum credit and not the ground staff, so too our Netas must hog all the limelight.

Much of their success can be attributed to the rigorous and comprehensive training they receive in the art of corruption at several elite training installations spread across the country, the most famous amongst them being the Lok Sabha. Needless to say, all that training has yielded rich dividends. The poor Red Baron must be turning in his grave! Owing to the prolific nature of the Netas' 'exploits', it is almost impossible to determine the exact number of their 'kills'. However, we present below a sample of their innumerable 'triumphs' in the past few MONTHS: 

The incidents listed above are only indicative and by no means exhaustive. It's not that this was all that we could gather; this was all that we could take. The Lampoon salutes the 'Indian Neta' for this singular feat which will probably never be emulated ever again. And thank god for that.

The Lampoon expresses it's condolences to the friends and family of all those brave soldiers who lost their lives. May their souls rest in peace.

Jai Hind!

5 Comments Add Yours ↓

  1. I'm sure that the Red Baron would have been put to shame should he have lived to see the India neta and desi feats!

  2. Anonymous #

    As hard-hitting and expertly sarcastic as ever! But as I continue to say, behind those veils - the depiction of a grim, even pathetically harsh, reality!

    Good post :) Come to think of it, I just (re)realised there have been so many crashes in the recent times!

  3. @Rakesh: True that!

    @Srini:Thanks! That's the whole point. Most of this is going unnoticed, which is why I felt compelled to cover it.:)

  4. Anonymous #

    Aptly titled. Crisply written. Sarcastically poked at our(general public's) incompetence as well. all we can do is but sit and blog it.. isnt there a better thing we can do?

  5. @Hantan:Thanks! Well, blogging/ discussing etc is a start. It COULD lead to something substantial. But it's highly unlikely anything's gonna change. :|